


Something Like Grief

by Glitteringworlds



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 01:58:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5187821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitteringworlds/pseuds/Glitteringworlds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose and Lailah have a late night discussion in Pendrago, or, Rose flirts to avoid dealing with her emotions</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Like Grief

**Author's Note:**

> I had some issues with how little time Rose was given to work through what Dezel did to her and her feelings about the whole thing, so I dealt with them like any person would: by writing gay shit.

The nights felt different to Rose, since she had joined the group. She couldn’t say how, exactly, it was something to vague to name. Maybe it was just that she saw it more clearly, now, maybe the stars shined brighter for Seraphs than they ever did for humans. Or maybe she was just being sentimental.

Lailah was perched at the edge of the noble’s quarter, legs dangling over the side of the high wall, back turned to Rose as she approached. Her hair was something extraordinary, a marvel just for somehow staying in place, and Rose watched it catch and curl in the wind, twisting like a current.

“Has Sorey gone to sleep?”

Not turning, Lailah noded. “About an hour ago.”

“That’s good. He needs the rest.”

No city of that size was every truly silent at night. Even small towns seem to breathe in the darkness, and Pendrago had seemed particularly listless in recent days. A few people wandered the streets, not making eye contact with the guards posted at regular intervals. There weren’t many lights on in windows, but Rose caught sight of shadows moving in shadows, and she knew that she wasn’t alone in her unease. It was strange, how the world would sleep less easily on nights like this, though most of it had no way of knowing. Maybe it was connected, somehow. Maybe they did have a sense of things being wrong.

Certainly, you didn’t have to be able to see hellions to know that the world was sharper and crueler, lately.

“You need sleep too, Rose.”

Rose boosted herself onto the wall next to Lailah, though she faced inwards, towards the rows of tall houses, perfectly framed by well-kept gardens. “I’ve gone without sleep plenty of times. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“But I do.”

Leaning back far enough that she could properly see Lailah, Rose caught her eye and smiled, kicking her heels against the wall. She held the look for a second and then winked, letting herself fall backwards. Lailah gasped and lunged forward, but it was a controlled movement, and Rose caught herself with her legs, no longer swinging but hooked solidly, allowing her to dangle upside down. The trees that brushed at her fingertips were just blooming, and Rose plucked at a blossom as she pulled herself back up, handing it to Lailah, who was still staring in shock.

“See? I’m fine.”

“That is not fine, that is terrifying!”

“I’ve done it a million times, Lailah, I told you, don’t worry about me.”

Lailah was clutching the flower carefully in one hand, the other still hovering awkwardly in the air, caught in the middle of trying to help. She stared at Rose, her mouth not hanging open but lips slightly parted, some sort of admonition caught halfway between them. Then her head tipped slightly to the side, and she smiled with a small sigh, slipping out fondly. “Is it so impossible to imagine us wanting to help you?”

“Listen, I know when to ask for help, okay? I’m not some kind of lone wolf or anything, and I’m not going to get myself killed charging into battle like some kind of noble jerk. I just don’t like,” Rose waved a hand absently, indecisively, “unnecessary fretting.”

“People don’t always know when they need help, Rose.”

Throwing back her head, Rose sighed dramatically, like a reluctant child being dragged into doing something. “You know what I hate?”

“People who ask if you are alright because they are concerned about you?”

Rose snorted, rolling her eyes. “Nah, no way. Pretty much everyone I know snoops into my business. There’s no way I could get by if I hated it. I’d go nuts. What I hate is when people die when I still don’t know what to think of them.”

There was a certain look that Lailah got at times, half amused and half mystified, like she was almost annoyed, but it didn’t hold any malice. Her eyebrows drew together and her mouth bunched up a bit, and Rose thought it was the look of someone who was curious and slightly confused, someone who probably would be annoyed if she didn’t love so much to hear the stories of other people. Rose was quite fond of the expression, to tell the truth. She ought to practice it herself. It was just the perfect mix of innocent and charming, and it would be a great way to try and get information out of people.

She reasoned through all this in a flash, never taking her eyes off of Lailah.

“Is that common occurrence?”

Rose smiled thinly. “Oh, it’s more common than you might think. And it’s the worst, don’t you think? Because, when someone you know dies, you are supposed to feel sad. It’s just natural, right? Except, when you have unsolved issues, it’s like, I don’t know, a reverse ghost or something. He’s gone, but I’ve got all this shit to work through so I’m stuck wandering around haunting people and trying to figure it all out so I can move on.”

“I think that’s common with most deaths, isn’t it? Mourning and moving on is difficult and unique each time.”

“Yeah but it’s… Ugh.” Rose threw up her hands in frustration, and she noticed Lailah once again flinched forward a bit as if to catch her, even though she didn’t fall back this time. She returned her hands to the wall, like an offering of peace. “I can’t just mourn him, you know? I feel like I owe Dezel for everything about how my life is right now. Except the things I am grateful for are all because he used me for his own ends, and… See, this is why I didn’t want to talk about it.”

The sounds of the city drifted between them, the sounds of hundreds of structures shifting and shifting and settling in the wind, constant motion.

“I’m very sorry for not telling you what we knew of how Dezel had used you.”

“I don’t blame you, Lailah. I get it, you wanted things to work out on their own. I guess they did, kind of. So don’t worry about it.”

“Do you ever get mad at anyone?”

The question caught Rose by surprise, and she traced her thumb along the bottom hem of her shirt, first looking down at her feet, and then back up at the stars. “I do, I get mad about all sorts of things. Not for myself though, usually. Whenever I feel angry about things like that, it’s sort of like there’s a voice in my head that tells me it’s not worth it. Is that weird?”

“I’ve lived too long to judge anyone for how they deal with their emotions, so long as they are not hurting others.”

“Yeah, I guess you have.”

Night out in the woods stretched out much wider than night in the city. It wasn’t so fully dark here, not so fully enclosing. Rose didn’t usually have a preference, but for a moment she missed the wandering feeling of a sky edged by a horizon, not by high walls.

Turning inwards, Rose swung one leg over and then another, until she sat facing the same direction as Lailah. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Could you do what Dezel did? Would you be able to control me like that, if you wanted to?”

“Oh, Rose,” Lailah looked almost heartbroken, her hair whipping out behind her, face lit in slivers by the moonlight. “I would never.”

“But you could, couldn’t you? Any of you could, if you tried.”

Lailah smoothed out her skirts. “To be honest, I am not sure. I would imagine, at very least, it would be possible to the more powerful Seraphim.”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

“You know, we would all understand if you wanted to leave.”

“Yeah,” Rose said again, her voice shakier. Heat pressed at her face and cheeks and at the back of her eyes, and her mouth felt warm and too soft. “I know.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean that I want you to-”

Closing her eyes, Rose took a deep breath, until she was calm enough that she could shake her head slowly, not letting franticness get the better of her. The air felt cool against her skin, not cold but far from the summer warmth deep enough to wear like a blanket, to fall asleep in. The air felt cool and noises continued around her, the slight movements of the soldiers standing somewhere below and in front of her at the gate, the branches of the trees scraping against each other, and against walls. Things were real, and real again once over because she was aware of the woman beside her, of the shimmering edge of malevolence that had once blanketed the city, of all the things about her life that were not her own doing. She wasn’t sure if she more regretted having learned to see it all, or having taken so long to do so.

Rose opened her eyes, and looked over at Lailah. “I don’t want to go, and I know you guys don’t want me to, either. I trust you. I mean, I have to, right? Who else is going to save the world and stuff?”

She yawned, stretching out her arms as far as she could above her head and curving back into the motion, one long arch. Then she dropped her arms, nudging into Lailah with her shoulder, gently, companionably. “Don’t worry about me too much, alright? Seriously. I’m good at being okay. And I think you probably spend too much time worrying about us humans as is.”

“I think telling me not to worry is probably about as useful as telling you not to smile. But I suppose I can try. I still think you should get some sleep though. This has been a hard night for all of us, regardless of how we feel about it.”

Twisting around, Rose spun in her seat and hopped off, holding out a hand to Lailah. “Okay, but only if you walk me to the inn.”

Lailah blushed, ever so slightly, ducking her head so that her eyes fell briefly behind her bangs. Rose could see that she was smiling though. “Seraphs don’t need sleep the way you humans do.”

“Maybe so, but if I don’t make you walk with me, you’ll probably sit up here by yourself the entire night, and I don’t think that’s any better for you than it would be for me, Seraph or not. You may not need sleep but that doesn’t mean you don’t need friends.”

Lailah moved much more delicately, shifting herself around before taking the offered hand and stepping delicately down, her longer legs making the act seem much more graceful and easy than it had been for Rose. “You know Rose, for someone who pokes so much fun at Sorey for wanting to help everyone, you spend a lot of your time looking out for others.”

Grinning wickedly, Rose slipped her arm through Lailah’s as they walked. “Oh, this? This isn’t me being selfless. I just like being able to enter a room with a beautiful lady on my arm.”

“You know that everyone at the inn won’t be able to see me, right?”

“Oh.” Rose glowered for a moment at the realization, than brightened. “Well, that’s okay. It will still make Zaveid jealous, I’m sure.”

They were walking evenly, Lailah standing so tall that she towered over Rose even more than usual, almost glowing with the smile that had settled onto her face. She giggled, raising her other hand to her mouth and ducking down slightly, so that her hair fell briefly down across Rose’s shoulder, a few stray pieces even brushing at her face. “I suppose I can’t say no to that.”

Rose took a breath, and held it, only distantly aware of the world turning around her, and she wondered how a night could be full of so much anger and regret and sadness and hope all at once, how life could keep growing bigger and bigger as if to swallow her up.


End file.
